Think back to when you first met someone who you are close to now. What first made you attracted to that them? Was it their physical looks or their personality? If you are married, think of your spouse. How did you connect?
In the branch of social psychology, there are many theories and principles that illustrate why certain people "fall in love" with each other or why certain people interact and become friends. Now just for minute, think about only meeting people online. How would you construct yourself?
According to the interpersonal attraction principle, social psychologists have identified several major factors that influence interpersonal attraction, which is anything, that draws two or more people together characterized by affection, respect, liking, or love (“Interpersonal Attraction”, 2012). In the initial attraction of two people, what matters first? Many factors leading to interpersonal attraction have been studied. The most frequently studied are: physical attractiveness, propinquity, responsiveness similarity and reciprocal liking (“Interpersonal Attraction”, 2012). According to these five factors, we like those who live or work near us (propinquity), we like those who are physically attractive (physical attractiveness) and similar to us (similarity), we like those who are responsive to us (responsiveness) and we like those who like us (reciprocal liking).
Has social media helped or hurt interpersonal relationships? Computer mediated communication allows people to make new friends without geographical boundaries where people can have ongoing, fast-moving conversations, regardless of their physical location, schedules, or other constraints. Social media is changing our relationships because it allows for us to connect with more people more rapidly. As Chenault affirms, “CMC becomes a new way to “find” each other, a way for personal relationships to build”. In my personal experience, I have met many people from online dating site to online classes. Ten years ago, that would have never happened. Not only has it become more mainstream and acceptable, I believe it has become the new “normal” way to meet friends. I also am a photographer and there are many sites I go to and discuss everything from new cameras to different locales in the world for photography. Some of the people I have never met and others I have gone on vacation with and we have become very good friends.
However, it can be argued that making friends online is not a good idea. In order to have a positive experience meeting online, there has to be an element of trust. But how can you spot an Internet liar? According to Dr. Jeff Hancock (Communications, Cornel; Director, Computer-Mediated Communications Research Laboratory) “People tend to lie a lot in their profiles - everybody. And what we looked at were things like height and weight and age, so body and age things. And we also looked at income and status. But we found that men tend to lie about their height, and they would do what I call a strong round up. So, if they achieve an inch, they'll add another inch. So, 5'9" and one-tenth, they'll go up to 5'10". Women tend to lie about their weight.” (“Spotting the Internet ‘Liar’”, 2008). Hancock affirms that men and women usually don’t lie about their age. Another way to spot an Internet liar is there is a reduction in first-person references. Dr. Hancock explains, “So that's when people talk about themselves. So if I were to say I came to New York yesterday, maybe that would be truthful. And if I said something like got into New York yesterday. Now, you can see I dropped the first person singular there - the I. And that's related to when people tend to be deceptive”. (“Spotting the Internet ‘Liar’”, 2008).
Many people turn to the Internet in order to manage unpleasant feelings such as stress, loneliness, depression, and anxiety. When you have a bad day and are looking for a way to escape your problems or to quickly relieve stress or self-soothe, the Internet can be an easily accessible outlet. Losing yourself online can temporarily make feelings such as loneliness; stress, anxiety, depression, and boredom evaporate into thin air. As much comfort as the Internet can provide, though, it’s important to remember that there are healthier (and more effective) ways to keep difficult feelings in check. (“Internet Addiction. Signs, Symptoms, Treatment, and Self-Help “. 2012).
Some psychologists have identified a new Internet addiction category called Facebook Addiction Disorder. (Haisha, 2010). Many people are spending over twenty hours a week on Facebook and disguising it as work, or networking when in fact they are hiding their loneliness. Also, there’s another more susceptible contagion effect of social media and that is loneliness is transmitted via social networks. John Cacioppo, a researcher, at the University of Chicago finds that if a direct connection of yours is lonely, you are 52% more likely to be lonely (Jain, 2010). It’s important to know that as you become more networked and involved with each other, it’s going to be crucial to monitor your own influences and reactions.
Computer mediated communication and online friends are a way of life now. There’s no turning back and the most important part is to realize that it’s a part of our everyday experience and just like anything else it demands moderation and good judgment.
References
Interpersonal attraction. (n.d.). Retrieved February 9, 2012. Retrieved from
Wiki: http://216.22.10.76/wiki/Interpersonal_Attraction
B. G. Chenault, Developing personal and emotional relationships via computer-mediated
communication, CMC Magazine 5 (1998) on-line:
http://www.december.com/cmc/mag/1998/may/chenault.html.
Stewart, A. (Interviewer) & Hancock, J. (Interviewee). (2008). Spotting the Internet ‘Liar’. (Interview Transcript). Retrieved from http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19157882
Internet addiction. Signs, symptoms, treatment, and self-help. (n.d.) Retrieved February 9, 2012. Retrieved from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/internet_cybersex_addiction.htm
Jain, R. (2010, June 10). 4 ways social media is changing your relationships. Retrieved from http://www.socialmediaexaminer.com/4-ways-social-media-is -changing-your-relationships/
Haisha, L. (April 13, 2010) Is your facebook addiction a sign of loneliness? Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-haisha/is-your facebook- addictio_b_533530.html
